Letting the old hurts go, step by step ...

<-- Back to the Blog

In my last post about letting old hurts go, I sketched the process given to me for letting things go. Today I'll go into more detail.

Old hurts, old embarrasments, old events hang around in our minds because we have not been able to let them go. This is a hallmark of unfinished business of some kind. But what, exactly, is this unfinished business? It's all about the ways in which we have shut off the flows of love to ourselves, and about how to go back and reverse them.

Lets start with finding an embarrassing event that just sticks with you, one that you remember over and over and over again, and would really, really love to get rid of. I have no shortage of these, myself. 

Be still and calm. Close your eyes. In your mind's eye, go back to that moment in time, standing beside your younger, then-self. Slowly replay the event, watching and feeling what happens very closely. Go slow. Really notice how you are feeling inside. Pause the action just before the moment. 

Notice how you feel in the moment just before the embarrassing thing happens: you most likely felt fine and happy, confident. You are completely yourself, oblivious to any looming disaster.

Now, let the action creep forward as slowly as you can. until right at the moment you realize that things have gone horribly wrong. Freeze-frame right there.

What's happening inside you? Catalog everything. Notice it all.

Let the action continue forward, all the way through your personal train wreck, still noticing, still cataloging.

Now, rewind back to the moment when you realize that something is wrong. What did you do right then? If you're like me, you made an instant judgment about yourself. In that moment, you withdrew your love from yourself because of this judgment. Maybe you immediately started blaming, maybe also tried to hide. Maybe you said something to yourself like, "how could I be so stupid?". Observe this moment, and ask yourself what is happening to your heart center. If you are like I am, your heart center is slammed shut, and you've cut off your flows of love to yourself. After all, how can you love someone who is so flawed, so stupid?

Now, open your heart to yourself. Go back to the beginning of this event, and this time, walk side-by-side with your younger self, while also being your younger self, too. Look tenderly on your young self, who didn't have the life experience that you have now, the self who didn't know better, and who was making the only choice that was possible in that old moment. Immerse yourself back in those moments and guide yourself through it, supporting your former self with all the love you can muster.

Let the action slowly begin. As you approach the moment, be very aware. This time, go forward very, very slowly through the event, keeping your heart center completely open in each moment, noticing and dissolving any blockage immediately as it arises. What is the blockage about? What is its nature? If there is a moment when your younger heart center closes, stop and just look at your younger self and say, "I'm so sorry that I withheld my love from you right then", and simply open your heart to your younger self. Go back just a teeny bit, and move through that particular moment again until you can do it with a wide-open heart while maintaining your love flow to your own self. 

Move all of the way through the event this way with an open heart and with free-flowing love to yourself, backing up and re-doing any portion that seems sticky or difficult. 

Now, notice how you feel. Follow the love that you are now giving your younger self all the way from that event and into the present moment. How does this feel? What happens? As you sit with this, notice how you now feel about that old event. Suffusing it with love and making sure that you love yourself through each moment of it has likely taken much of the charge out of it. 

This is simple, and it takes a little time and care, but not too much. You can do this anywhere. I do it at night when I'm lying in bed and about to fall asleep: usually something presents itself that has a charge to it. When I go back and love it tenderly just the way it is, and just the way I was then, it disappears. 

If your event involves another person, focus on yourself and the flows of love to yourself first. After you have successfully opened up the flows of love to you, go back through the event and open up the flows of love to the other person in the manner described above. This is not about changing the other person, or about changing what happened. We cannot change the past. We cannot change another person. But, we can change our own response. This is ONLY about changing our energetics in relation to this event.

Please try this. Share it. I'd love to know how it goes for you!